Tips for quieting your inner critic

Topics mentioned: self-esteem and believing in yourself, body image, relationships

About: We've all heard that voice in our head telling us we’re not good enough. It can hold us back from opportunities, strain our relationships, and make us forget how far we’ve come. In this compilation piece, our bloggers share how they’ve faced their inner critics to improve their relationships and recognise their achievements.

As a young person who has been involved in volunteering and youth social action for almost four years – and has applied to many different opportunities ranging from youth ambassador roles, youth boards, young trustees, research projects (you name it, I have probably applied for it!) – I can tell you that the fear of being criticised and not being the right fit for an opportunity isn’t something that gets easier.

I often find myself being really overcritical when applying. Is this experience relevant? Do I have the skills required? Even though I can often see that I have the skills and qualities they’re looking for, there’s always the inner voice that creeps in. At times, I have let this put me off from applying, but don’t let this happen to you.

If you really want it, you should go for it. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.

Personally, I’ve learnt a lot from the different projects and volunteering opportunities that I’ve been a part of. Even when I doubted my abilities, I always found I was more capable than I thought, and I always had knowledge and experience to share that was valuable to others.

Your inner critic doesn’t go away, even when you succeed. And as young people, it’s easy to feel like our experiences or voices don’t matter – especially if there are voices in the room who seem more ‘powerful’. But our perspective is unique and important. We are experiencing first-hand how the world is impacting us and know what we want to see in our future.

Dealing with your inner critic is hard. But remember that your voice, skills and experiences are valuable. This can make all the difference.

While dating and getting into romantic relationships, you may experience overwhelming feelings of self-doubt. You may ask yourself questions like: Am I interesting enough? Maybe they would find me more attractive if I looked like…? Is their ex-partner better looking than me? These are thoughts that lots of people have, and they can really impair your romantic relationships.

I certainly have experience of this. Issues with my body image throughout my adolescence meant I struggled to understand my worth. In my relationships, I questioned whether I met their standards because I was unsure if I met my own. Feeling like I wasn’t enough lead to conflict in my relationship. I was too insecure to express my true thoughts to my partner, so my partner couldn’t understand my emotions, thoughts or behaviours. Being closed off and letting my inner critic distance myself from the relationship was hurting us both.

But through communication, I soon learnt that overcoming these negative thoughts is possible! I understand it’s frightening to be vulnerable with others, but once you do so, you’ll be able to present your true authentic self which will bring you closer to your partner. Here are my tips to help you fight your inner critic:

Remember, you are worthy of love and support. These feelings are common, and they can be overcome. Focusing on quieting your inner critic can help you feel happier in your relationships and see yourself in a more positive way. It allows you to present your most authentic self to your partner, which helps blossom a healthy, loving and honest relationship.

Turning over a new leaf is so exciting. Adrenaline surges through my body as I know I’m making the right decisions. But I always hear whispers in my ear.

Don’t think that’s my inner critic. It’s not. Definitely not. My inner critic is the loudest voice in the room. My mouth could never scream as loud as she echoes in my brain. Somehow, one comment of hers bounces off my skull, leading to a chain reaction of criticism. She makes me hurt, angry, and most times leaves me crying. But what can I do? She is a part of me. If you had a failing kidney, you couldn’t just cut it off and throw it away – so how could I do that to my inner critic? Maybe she’s mean, or maybe she’s misunderstood, just trying to protect me. Her salty advice is tough love, building a shell around me, making sure I won’t get hurt.

But one day, after making yet another promise to be more disciplined – to wake up earlier, study harder, and be more productive – I finally understood. Every time I tried to improve my life, make better decisions, I seemed to forget everything I had already achieved. My hard work seemed to amount to nothing. The temporary happiness of achieving my goal was overshadowed by the weight of the next one. It only took a few minutes for my inner critic to come back with her tough love.

We laugh at characters in movies who don’t see the villain in front of them. But I had been feeding mine for years. The more I doubted myself, the louder she became. I had been fuelling my inner critic so she could scream her nasty comments and delude me into believing they were true. I smirked as I understood. My self-doubts were nothing more than insecurity and a lack of belief, and blocking out all my achievements left me nowhere. Instead, I chose to remember. The loudness of my inner critic might have been deafening, but she had to shout to drown out my rationality. I let the criticism consume me.

Just remember, it doesn’t matter how many times you have to restart. You are here because of all the obstacles you’ve overcome and all that you’ve achieved. Maybe you need a kidney to live, but your inner critic is like an appendix – the minute it troubles you, get rid of it.