Messages for anyone dreading Valentine's Day

Topics mentioned: sexuality and mental health, self-esteem, self-care, loneliness

About: We asked our bloggers for messages to help anyone feeling low, lonely or struggling with their mental health this Valentine's Day. Here's what they said.

My first Valentine’s Day after realising I was aromantic was intensely lonely. I was in my first year of university, and all my friends were in romantic relationships. I’d known I was aromantic for a while, but it wasn’t until Valentine’s Day I realised how isolating it could feel.

Society told me so many things. That I wasn’t real. That everything in the universe was about love in the end. That I needed to fill the ‘gap’ where romance is meant to be with something else.

I didn’t want any of those things to be true. And I was right: none of those things are true. I know myself, and no one can take that away from me. You are allowed erase the expectation of loving someone romantically from your life. You can do whatever you want!

And, I am whole as I am. I don’t need to fill the gap where people think romance is supposed to be with anything; not platonic love, not sexual attraction, not anything. I am a whole human, and so are you.

Looking at the world and the future when you are aromantic can feel so uncertain. The conventional path laid out for you - find a partner, marry, settle down, have children - does not necessarily align with what you want.

Maybe you do still want a partner, maybe you want children, maybe you find joy and wholeness in platonic relationships. But, you don’t have to. This is equally freeing and terrifying.

But what matters right now is that you're here. Your experiences are so normal and so valid. You're allowed to feel lonely today. And angry, and sad, and happy, and empowered. The range of aromantic experiences is part of what makes me proud to be aromantic.

What I would say is, if anybody is struggling today, you’re not alone. A lot of people find Valentine’s Day hard. Maybe you could plan a day out with your friends or just spend the day eating chocolate and watching soppy romance movies.

Prioritise your own wellbeing and make sure you give yourself some self-care, whatever that looks like for you. If you’re finding today especially difficult, avoid scrolling through social media and comparing yourself to others. You deserve to feel happy and good about yourself today, no matter what your relationship status is.

It’s easy to feel alone, especially on a day like today. But be proud of yourself for being strong, growing when times are tough and trusting that you are on the right track. You deserve to be loved and are loved by many. Even though you may not always see it, you must always try to remember it.

Today is not just about remembering who you have or had a romantic connection with. It’s about being grateful for the love that surrounds you, in every capacity. You may not celebrate Valentine’s Day, or you may choose to celebrate in an unconventional way, like with friends or on your own practising self-care.

Most importantly, today is not about focusing on what you have lost. Focus instead on what is forming. Today can stir up a lot of memories, good and bad. Talk to people if you feel like that's right for you. Reflect on how far you’ve come and look forward to how far you will go.

Instead of worrying about what you don’t have, note the good things in your life and everything you have right now. Know that you are on the right path for you – even if it seems a little windy!