Making it work: how to stay well in a long-distance relationship

Topics mentioned: relationships, self-esteem, self-care

About: Navigating a long-distance relationship can be tough. Molly outlines the challenges she's faced and offers practical tips for staying connected and mentally healthy.

It’s funny how life works out sometimes. I met a guy at a festival a couple of years ago, and we just hit it off from the word ‘go’. He took my phone number and two years later, he is still my boyfriend. Our relationship has blossomed into something beautiful - I like to think that he is the male version of me. The biggest problem we have? We live on opposite ends of the country. Long-distance relationships are tough, there’s no doubt about it. But here are a few things that I do to keep my mental health intact, and what we do to make it work.

My boyfriend and I are both in our early 20s, we both work full time jobs. Sometimes, just as I’m starting my shift, he’s finishing his, and vice versa. Not talking to him all day doesn’t feel nice, and often on these days I find myself needing a bit more reassurance from him than other days. It’s natural, I want to feel connected to my partner, especially if we’ve gone all day with hardly any communication. FaceTime is an absolute lifesaver and blocking out time to check in with one another is a useful tool for when I’m feeling this way. Even if it’s just a five-minute conversation, it really does make a difference, and reassures me that he cares about me and is interested in how my day went.

We’re lucky that we get to see each other roughly once a month, sometimes more if our rotas sync well. I would really recommend taking the time to look at each other’s schedules and plan out when the next meet-up will be. I find it extremely frustrating sometimes when it seems like there just isn’t a time where both of us are free and able to meet, but dates do eventually align. It’s very comforting to know that I will see him again soon and we both have something to look forward to. The saying ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ is so true. My boyfriend and I have both said that it’s much more special when we see each other and go on dates. It’s a real treat for us when we get to spend time together.

Meditation is key for me to regulate my emotions. Learning to keep myself in the present prevents me from spiralling into deep, dark thoughts, and it has helped me to accept the situation for what it is. Spiralling and catastrophising is easy to do when someone you love lives so far away, so having mindful coping mechanisms to limit this is so important. On saying that, a good cry can help to relieve any emotional pain and to release some of that mental weight, so it’s definitely nothing to feel ashamed of. This is always helpful when we’re saying our goodbyes after a wonderful few days together. Releasing that intense emotional pain through crying helps me to recompose myself and I find it a lot easier to keep myself in the present afterwards.

Staying active, whatever that looks like for you, is not only good for physical health, but it does wonders for my mental health too. I like to lift weights or take a stroll in the sun (or rain, more likely) to release endorphins and other hormones that help increase and maintain happiness levels. Also, getting creative has massively benefitted me. I’ve found a new love for painting, and I always feel happier by the end of it. An activity like this has even ended up bringing me and my partner closer. It’s something we can do together, or on a few occasions I’ve given him my paintings as a gift, and it shows my boyfriend that I’m keeping him in mind.

Long-distance relationships can feel difficult from time to time. It’s not a ‘traditional’ relationship, but they seem to be getting more and more common these days. There’s a lot of people in the same boat and knowing that has made me feel less alone in this situation. Sometimes you, or your partner, is going to need a bit of extra reassurance. That’s okay to ask for. If you really love each other, it can work out and it’s worth fighting for.