How to manage social anxiety at school

Topics mentioned: anxiety, school, self-esteem

About: If you're struggling with social anxiety at school, you are not alone. Jolanta, 20, shares her experience and how she learnt to look after her mental health and self-esteem.

If you are a young person experiencing social anxiety, please remember that you are not alone. I have had social anxiety since I was a child, and I understand exactly how it feels. It can affect many aspects of your life and it can feel very restraining.

I truly felt the effects of social anxiety when I first started secondary school. The unwillingness to speak up for something as simple as attendance, the tendency to over-analyse every social interaction, and the persistent concerns about what-if scenarios when it came to situations like presentations followed me on a daily basis.

However, as I have grown, I’ve understood the importance of taking care of your mind. Below are all the ways that have helped me to manage my social anxiety better.

It's crucial for you to understand that you don't have to take everything on at once. Instead, choose small steps that feel comfortable to you while still putting yourself out there.

First and foremost, it's important to let yourself feel the way you feel. It’s completely normal to feel down when social anxiety is impacting your life, because it is not simply ‘shyness’, as some may say. However, it’s important not to be too self-critical.

While your thoughts and feelings are real, they don't define you. If you are reading this, you have already made a decision toward this progress, and you should be extremely proud of yourself for taking the first steps to try to manage it!

When I first started secondary school, I knew that social anxiety would be a challenge for me. I was always afraid of doing the wrong thing in a social situation and I constantly preoccupied myself with questions like, ‘Why am I like this? Why can't I just be like those who don’t mind speaking up?’ I'd immediately assume there's something wrong with me.

However, as I’ve learned, that is a very dangerous state of mind to be in. In order to better manage social anxiety, it is essential for you to not compare yourself to others and to focus on yourself in your own unique and individual journey.

Social anxiety is also often correlated with self-esteem because you are hyper-aware of what other people think of you – or at least what you think they think of you.

However, focusing on yourself more and asking questions such as, ‘how do I feel about this?’ rather than, ‘what do other people think of me when I do x?’ is a more helpful mindset to be in. It will allow you to flourish, be true to yourself and become more confident.

Something that has definitely helped me build my self-esteem is discovering myself. My interests and values help build a solid foundation for my identity so that when an embarrassing situation arises (and believe me, it has been many, many times), I take it light-heartedly because I’ve grown confident in who I am.

It is also important for you to understand that nothing is truly embarrassing unless you think it is; these moments depend on your own individual perspective.

When I was in school, I was always afraid of standing out. I would never raise my hand in class, even if I knew the correct answer to a question, and when I would later learn that I was correct, I would always be extremely disappointed in myself for not just saying it out loud.

I would also avoid any social situations because I was too afraid to talk to anyone, say the wrong thing, or make a fool of myself. I would always over-analyse every single interaction, which was really affecting my social life. These little challenges were extremely difficult for me, but pushing myself to overcome them has made me much more confident today.

Starting university, in a completely new city, having to be independent, speak up, and rely completely on myself has made me so much better at managing my social anxiety. And doing things that push you out of your comfort zone - even silly things like waving to a stranger - will free you and your mind!

Most importantly, take care of your mind. Try to find activities that help you relax, like meditation. School can be a difficult environment if you struggle with social anxiety, so you should be proud of yourself for coping. You’ve got this.