How long-distance relationships can bring you closer

Topics mentioned: relationships and mental health

About: Navigating any relationship can be tough, especially if your relationship is long-distance. But being apart can also bring you closer. Emma explains how she manages to stay connected with her partner in a way that supports their mental health.

Long-distance relationships can be tough. It doesn’t matter whether you haven’t seen your partner for days, weeks, months, or years, it can be an agonising wait until you see them again. Sometimes you don’t even know when the next time might be. Being so far from a partner means we can feel lonely, and experience struggles with mental health in between the times we next get to see each other. Not to mention the practical considerations you have to make in a long-distance relationship, like not being able to call your partner because they’re halfway across the world in another time zone! Or, having to save up to get the train to see them.

This is the case for me and my partner. We’ve been together for three years but have been long-distance for two and a half years. When we moved to different cities six months into our relationship, it took some time to adjust to being far away from each other, as the distance element took a toll on my mental health. These are some things I’ve been reflecting on, looking back at the last two and a half years of long distance:

Make sure that you’re on the same page as your partner to avoid unnecessary bickering. This doesn’t have to be a formal contract or anything, but I think laying out a few ideas about what you’d like your long-distance relationship to look like can help you see eye to eye. For instance, you might want to chat about how often you talk on the phone, and how often you’d like to meet up face-to-face. However, it’s important to remember that this can look different for every person. For example, in my case, our expectation is that we 'have no expectations' when it comes to when we talk - it's more of a 'call whenever you're free and let's chat' vibe!

One thing that has helped my partner and I to feel close despite the distance is trying to bring the things we enjoy doing together into the ‘online space’. As an idea, my partner and I love running, camping, and exploring together. We often share YouTube videos of places we’d love to go adventuring next. When we are far apart, we can’t enjoy our shared hobbies and interests in the same way, but that doesn’t mean we can’t connect over them at all. By making time to chat about or share things with your partner you think they’d enjoy, it can help you feel closer when in times you’re apart, by letting them know you’re thinking of them.

Being in a long-distance relationship impacts my mental health. After spending time with my partner face-to-face, I feel great. Then, after a few weeks, I notice my mental health starts to dwindle. I think it’s important to remember not to isolate myself further. I reach out to my friends and family who I live near and find support in them. I believe that feeling love and connection doesn’t have to be ‘romantic’. You can find that same feeling of warmth and closeness in the friends and family you have around you if you look closely.

When things are getting challenging, I remind myself that the decision to be in a long-term relationship now is difficult, but I’m making a foundation for my future. I want to be with this person, it isn’t easy, but this long distance won’t be forever.

Long-distance relationships can be challenging. But it’s important to note that each long-distance relationship looks different, and it’s important to focus on what works best for you and your partner. Remember that the choice to be in a long-distance relationship is a credit to your strength and the importance of the relationship to you. Long-distance relationships aren’t easy, but when you can make them work, they are so rewarding.