Gender identity is about how someone understands themselves when it comes to being male, female, both, neither or anywhere in between. It’s about how they see and experience their own gender, and how they want others to see them.
Gender is different to ‘sex’. Sex is about our body’s biological and physical make-up. This includes things like genitals, reproductive organs, hormones, chromosomes and facial hair. A child's sex is usually labelled on their birth certificate when they’re born, on the basis of their biological make-up.
For some people, the sex that’s put on their birth certificate matches up with their gender identity. For others, it’s different. For example, someone might be labelled ‘male’ on their birth certificate, but be a woman or another gender. Some people feel clear about their gender identity. Others are uncertain or find that it changes at different points in their life. It’s normal for young people to keep exploring themselves as they grow up and start figuring out who they are.
There are lots of different ways to describe gender. These are some of the terms you might hear:
When someone’s gender matches the sex labelled on their birth certificate.
When someone’s gender does not match the sex labelled on their birth certificate.
These are gender identities that don’t sit comfortably within ‘man’ or ‘woman’. Instead, they sit outside of, across or in between ‘male’ and ‘female'.
This is when someone’s gender is flexible and can change over time.
These are the terms we use to refer to someone, like he/him, she/her or they/them.
This is a commonly used acronym to describe different sexualities and gender identities. It stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, intersex (also known as differences in sex development/DSD) or asexual/ace. The + symbol represents the many sexualities and gender identities that are not captured by LGBTQIA.
These are broad terms for over 40 conditions that affect a person’s sex development. These differences can happen on the inside or outside of the body. They can affect the development of sex chromosomes, hormones or reproductive organs. Having a DSD/being intersex does not define someone’s gender identity. An intersex person might identify as male, female, non-binary or however they choose. The terms intersex and trans refer to two different life experiences. But some people might have the experience of being both.
Your child or young person may use a word you’re not familiar with. If you’d like to have a look at more terms that describe experiences around gender identity, Brook has a longer list.
Labels can be useful as a way to understand more about yourself and help others understand your experience of gender, however there is no rush to have a label so don’t feel like you need to find one immediately.
Being trans, non-binary or gender questioning doesn’t cause mental health problems in and of itself. But how a young person is treated because they are trans, non-binary or questioning can have a big impact. Young people’s mental health can be positively and negatively affected by different experiences.
Young people talk about the feelings of joy and happiness they sometimes experience as they discover who they are and what feels right for them. This might be when someone uses the right pronouns, or when they wear clothes they feel comfortable in. This feeling is sometimes called ‘gender euphoria’.
Lots of young people talk about how finding community with other LGBTQIA+ young people can help them feel safe and supported. This is really important for having a sense of belonging and good self-esteem.
Experiencing rejection from parents or loved ones can leave a young person feeling very alone in the world . But feeling loved and celebrated by a parent can make a huge difference to a young person’s sense of wellbeing. While you can’t fix everything, you can be a big part of providing a safe support network. This can really help your child navigate the challenges they’re facing as they grow up.
We still live in a society that often overlooks the diversity of people’s identities. This means that some trans, non-binary or questioning young people do experience negative or hostile attitudes from others. This might look like someone not recognising their identity – for example by deliberately using the wrong pronouns or refusing to use the correct ones. This can be distressing, leaving a young person feeling rejected, lonely or bad about themselves.
To protect themselves, some young people feel like they need to hide their identity in certain spaces, or with certain people. This could mean changing how they dress, act or speak. This can create anxiety and stress, making them feel worried about how they ‘need’ to behave and scared about how others will react.
Sadly, some LGBTQIA+ young people do experience bullying or abuse for who they are. Not everyone will go through this. But it’s never okay and can be very damaging to a young person’s mental health. If you’re worried that this is happening to your child, it’s important to take action to help stop it. We’ve got lots of advice in our guide to bullying.
At times, things might feel confusing or stressful for your child if they’re questioning their gender or feeling unsure about who they are. Living in a society that still largely expects people to follow gender norms can make trans and non-binary people feel like something is ‘wrong’ with them, or like they don’t fit in. They may also struggle with their body image and how they feel in their own skin if their body does not match their gender. These feelings can be tough to navigate, especially as a young person is growing up, going through puberty and figuring themselves out. If your child is struggling with their self-esteem right now, we’ve got advice in our guide for parents.
You might hear doctors or other professionals describing some of these feelings as ‘gender dysphoria’ or ‘gender incongruence’. Some young people might find these words helpful. Others might not want to use these more medical terms to describe their experiences.
If your child is Black or minoritised, Disabled or religious, being trans or non-binary can come with extra difficulties. They may face additional discrimination or feel excluded in certain spaces. This is tough, but there are organisations out there that understand the unique challenges they might experience and can help.
‘Coming out’ is when someone tells you they’re trans, non-binary or questioning their gender identity. This might be a big moment for your child. It often takes courage for young people to trust their parents with this information, and many worry about how they will react. As a parent, you can make a big difference in this moment by showing you love them for who they are.
Be explicit about the fact that you see and accept them for who they are. Show you believe them and take their identity, or their exploration, seriously. This will help them to feel safe about talking to you and asking for your help when they need it.
Try to use their own language to reflect what you’ve heard. This way, you’re supporting their own voice and sense of who they are.
You might have lots of feelings and thoughts about what your child is telling you. This is totally normal. But try not to share these with your child in this moment. Right now, they need you to listen to what they’ve said. This will give them confidence that it’s okay to be themselves.
It’s okay and totally understandable if you’re left with worries or questions. Talk them through with the people you trust. You can also reach out to an organisation that can help (link to signposting).
Sometimes, our first reaction isn’t our best one, especially if something takes us by surprise. It’s okay to acknowledge this and try again. This shows your child that you care and want to know about it. You could say, ‘you know the other day, I didn’t react well when you told me …. I’m really sorry, that wasn’t helpful. I want to understand, can we start again?’.
This isn’t a one-off conversation. It’s something you can keep talking about over time. Your child might still be figuring things out, and their feelings or language about their gender might change. Let them know you’re open to hearing more whenever they’re ready to talk.
As a parent or carer, you can play a huge role in supporting and protecting your child’s wellbeing as they explore or express their gender identity.
It really helps to:
Remember that your child might feel vulnerable or unsure about their identity. They may be worried about what other people think. It can make a huge difference to know they have your unconditional love and support, whatever their identity and wherever they are on their journey. As their parent, this is one of the biggest things you can do to support their mental health.
Evidence shows that it makes a big difference to LGBTQIA+ people’s experience if they have someone to talk to . When your child is able to open up, avoid rushing in with too many of your own ideas or opinions. Focus on listening, letting them talk as often and for as long as they need to. You can find lots of advice about helping your child to talk in our guide.
Trans, non-binary and genderqueer young people can experience hostility from others. Parents we spoke to told us it can be painful to know that you can’t control all your child’s experiences out in the world. But you can keep these experiences out of your home. In your own home, focus on creating an open, non-judgmental and loving environment, where your child feels safe to be themselves.
Let your child decide when they feel ready to tell other family members and friends about their identity. If they do feel ready, help the other adults around them to understand and respect their experience. It might take a bit of time for people to get used to the changes. You can help with this by calmly reminding them about the right pronouns or names. This can really show your child you support them.
If some family members or other adults have negative opinions about their identity, set clear boundaries with them. It’s important for them to know they will not be allowed to voice these opinions around your child. Support your child to decide who they feel comfortable with and reassure them that you will always love and support them.
As your child explores their gender identity, you might be feeling worried, shocked, confused or unsure about how to help. These feelings are valid and normal. Parents we spoke to talked about how important it is to find spaces where you can process your own emotions. There might be a lot to think about, and you deserve your own support with this. Having this support is also important for making sure your feelings don’t get in the way of being there for your child. Talk to family and friends and find other parents of LGBTQIA+ young people. Sharing your feelings and worries with people who get it can really help.
Your child might be questioning right now and need time to figure this out. This is a process and there’s no rush. Our identity can change, sometimes multiple times, as we grow up and understand ourselves better. Give your child lots of time, patience and space to explore. Don’t put pressure on them to give answers or clarity before they’re ready. If they’re feeling stressed about being uncertain, remind them that it’s okay not to know, and their only job is to be themselves.
On the other hand, your child may feel clear about their gender identity at the point they’ve chosen to talk to you. It might be something they’ve been thinking about for a number of years already. They may be telling you because they feel ready to take steps to live as themselves and are looking to you for support with these things.
As your child explores their gender identity, they may try out different things. This can look different for everyone. Some changes might stick, while others might change again. As with all young people, finding things that make them feel like themselves can really help. They might try out different haircuts, clothes, make-up, pronouns or first names.
Your child may want to use or experiment with different pronouns, such as ‘he/him’, ‘she/her’ or ‘they/them’. They may also want to use or try out different first names. Do your best to use the terms, pronouns and name they choose, even if these change over time. If you get it wrong, just apologise, correct yourself and move on. People can worry about this. But actually, saying sorry and reassuring your child that you do want to get it right just shows you care.
Parents we spoke to said support from other parents of trans, non-binary or questioning young people is invaluable. Mermaids offer online and in-person support for parents. Beyond Trans and Gendered Intelligence offer a range of regular online parent support groups. If you can’t find a group that suits you, you can also think about setting one up yourself – these parents will be around you in your local area. You can use our guide to get started.
Finding places where your child can feel safe and relaxed can also be important for their mental health. You can look for these spaces by:
You may need to talk to school because your child is ready for them to know about their identity. Or because they’re experiencing hostility or bullying at school, which some LGBTQIA+ young people sadly do. If this is happening, you can find advice about how to address bullying in our parent guide.
Some schools may feel well informed and confident about this topic, while others may not. If you’re feeling stuck or unsure about how to move the conversation forwards, reach out for some help. Gendered Intelligence provide a support line for parents and carers of trans, non-binary and gender questioning young people. You can also find out more about the legal rights of trans and non-binary young people on the Trans Actual website.
You might find it helpful to look at The Proud Trust’s guidance. This includes steps schools can take to make sure they’re inclusive of trans, non-binary and gender questioning young people. Schools are currently waiting for more guidance from the government on this topic, so might be uncertain about some things. But it’s still a useful resource for ideas about the kinds of approaches that might be helpful.
If your child is struggling with their mental health at the moment, they might benefit from some professional support. This might also be a helpful step if things are feeling really hard and they’re on a waiting list for NHS gender services.
Counselling can provide emotional support and a space for exploring how your child’s feeling and the things that help. You may be able to find free or low-cost counselling through a local LGBTQIA+ charity. Or, if private therapy is an affordable option for you, you can often have more choice over who they see.
Either way, it’s important to find a counsellor or therapist who is experienced in supporting and affirming trans, non-binary or gender questioning young people. Whether your child has just started thinking about their gender or they’re clear on their identity, a therapist needs to be able to understand them exactly as they are. Some therapists will be confident and well informed about this, while others may not be. Pink Therapy provides a directory of counsellors and therapists who are experienced in working with LGBTQIA+ people.
The GP can speak with your child to find out how they’re feeling and suggest things that might help. This could include referring them to NHS counselling or mental health services. If your child is 18 or over, it may also include discussing mental health medication options if this is something your child is interested in trying. You can find more information about GPs in our guide for parents.
You may have questions about what ‘transition’ means. This describes the process through which a person changes the way they express their gender, so that it matches up with who they are and how they feel in themselves. This can include social, medical and legal changes.
Social transition means making changes like using a different first name or pronouns. It can also include things like changing your hair, wearing different clothes, and starting or stopping wearing make-up. Some young people may feel very sure about these things, while others might experiment with different changes over time.
Some people may also use different methods to change the way the shape of their body appears. This can include ‘binding’ the chest with a binder or piece of material to make it look flatter. It can also include ‘tucking’ the penis and testes into a less visible position.
Making changes like these can support a young person’s mental health by helping them feel more like themselves. It can also help them to feel more comfortable and confident about going out and living their lives . However, there can be some risks, especially if safer practices are not followed, or if binding/tucking is done for extended periods of time. Brook has information about physical risks and methods for binding. Gender Kit has information about physical risks and methods for tucking.
Medical transition options include taking hormones like testosterone or oestrogen. These hormones make physical changes to someone’s body, like getting a deeper voice (testosterone) or growing breasts (oestrogen). Another medical transition option is gender affirming surgery. Medical options are generally only available to over 18s. Some options may be offered to over 16s where they meet strict criteria.
Legal transition options include changing your details on formal documents. An adult can change their legal sex and get an updated birth certificate by making an application for a Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC). This option is only available to over 18s. The gender on someone’s passport and driving licence can be changed without a GRC .
It’s useful to remember that every person’s transition is individual to them. Some trans or non-binary people feel they need medical transition options to be able to truly express who they are. Some people make a social transition and choose not to seek medical support. It’s entirely up to each person – no one has to have medical intervention if they don’t want to. Of those who do use medical support, not everybody takes up every option, and people may use it in different ways or for different reasons. It depends on what feels right for them.
The NHS offers support for trans, non-binary and questioning young people and adults through gender clinics and services. In general, the NHS focuses on mental health and wellbeing support for under-18s. In some cases, it may offer some medical options to over 16s if they meet strict criteria. For over-18s, gender clinics offer both wellbeing support and medical options. The type of support and care depends on individual needs and choices, and current NHS guidelines. Waiting times for these services can be long.
If your child is under 18, they need a referral to access NHS Children and Young People’s Gender Services. This referral must come from a specialist NHS service, rather than a GP. This could be:
Unfortunately, getting this kind of referral can take time, and many families face a long wait to access services like CAMHS. The first step is to talk to a GP. The GP can refer your child to CAMHS or paediatric services, who can then refer them to gender services.
If your child has been referred to NHS gender services and is currently on the waiting list, it’s worth understanding that wait times can be long. You can consider selecting a second choice for a service in a different part of the country, which may have a shorter wait time. To discuss this, contact NHS Children and Young People’s Gender Services.
If your child is seen by one of the NHS services, they will spend three to six sessions getting to know them, so they can figure out how best to support them. You and your child might meet with psychologists, psychiatrists and social workers.
After this, your child might get a referral for family therapy, one-to-one sessions, group work with other young people, or just regular check-ins to see how they’re feeling about their gender identity.
By age 17, if someone wants to continue their treatment, they might be referred to an adult gender clinic. If a young person who is 17 years and 9 months will not be seen by their 18th birthday, they will be removed from the young people’s waiting list. At this point, they will need to speak to their GP about getting a referral to an adult clinic. Their original referral date, from when they were under 18, will be honoured by the adult clinic, which should help to speed things up.
If your child is over 18, they can be referred by a GP to an adult gender clinic. You can find a list of these clinics on the NHS website. The clinics have teams of professionals who can offer ongoing support, advice, and treatments. Services vary, but support and treatments could include:
Parents we spoke to said it really helped to hear from trans, non-binary and questioning young people and their parents. Trans and non-binary identities are talked about a lot in the media at the moment, and it can feel overwhelming. Parents found it helped to hear from individuals who can speak to their own experiences.
This pride month I’m taking time to reflect on my journey growing up as a bisexual and genderqueer person. Though, outwardly, I am very proud of who I am, it hasn’t always been easy... I know that life would’ve felt a lot less daunting if I simply had someone say to me that my identity is nothing to be ashamed of. Our identity is just part of the package that makes us who we are, and no one can take that away from us.
A lot of people are going to tell you that “It gets better”, and you probably won’t believe them. When you’re in the thick of it, dealing with things most people can’t comprehend, it feels like an eternal struggle. No matter what, remember that you are worthy of love, kindness and understanding. I know you won’t believe me, but it really does get better.
When it comes to figuring out how you identify, don’t be afraid to try things out and see how it feels. You could go clothes shopping and experiment with different styles, finding ones that you feel good in. You can also experiment with pronouns; maybe ask a close friend or someone you trust to address you with different pronouns, and gendered terms such as ‘handsome’ ‘beautiful’ ‘queen’ ‘king’, or even different forenames, and see which you feel most comfortable with.
It took me a long time to come to terms with my identity. Deep down I always knew I was transgender, and I showed signs from a very young age, but it wasn’t easy to come out … [gap here] … With the right supportive environment, I slowly came out, which felt great. I never thought something as simple as pronouns would make me so happy!
While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.
Provides information and support for parents and carers of trans, non binary and gender diverse young people.
More information on their phone, webchat and email service available.
Shares facts about Trans rights, UK law, NHS healthcare and transphobia, as well as Transgender people's lived experiences and rights through quotes, blog posts and articles.
Includes information for Trans men, Trans women and Non-binary people, as well as information for allies, journalists and professionals.
Works with the transgender community, with an emphasis on supporting young trans people aged 8-25.
Has free resources for trans and gender-questioning young people and their families.
A mental health service run by and for lesbians, gay, bisexual, trans and queer people with experience of mental health issues.
Instant web chat service also available (hours vary).
Runs in-person peer support groups in Brighton.
Offers confidential support and advice to members of the LGBT+ community.
Free webchat service also available.
Provides an online directory of therapists who work with gender and sexual diversity clients across the LGBTQ+ spectrum from a non-judgmental standpoint.
This page was reviewed in March 2026.
It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with navigating their gender identity.
We will next review the page in 2029.
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