Grief and loss

Grief is how you react to losing someone or something in your life, it’s not just about death. Experiencing a loss can be incredibly tough, no matter who or what it is, or your relationship to them. But it’s not a mental health condition. It’s something that most people will experience at some point in life.

Taking care of yourself and grieving your own way is important. But also try to be mindful of how others are grieving, as their process might look different to yours. They might not be ready to talk about it, even if you are. Neither of you is doing anything wrong; you’re just on different journeys.

Grief can hit you at any time. You might think it’ll happen at a certain moment, like your first holiday without the person you’ve lost. But it can also catch you off guard. Sometimes you might not feel anything for a while, and then it hits you much later – you might hear this called ‘delayed grief’.

Grief can bring up a bunch of emotions. Some people find it overwhelming. Others experience it as a physical pain. Some people find that they just feel numb.

There’s no right way to feel when you experience a loss. Your reaction is valid, whatever it looks like. And if you don’t feel much at all, that’s fine too. It doesn’t mean you’re made of stone, or that you didn’t care about the person you lost.

It’s also common for your feelings to change with time. Try to feel your feelings without judging yourself. Grief is hard, so try to go easy on yourself.

When someone you care about dies or isn’t in your life anymore, it’s normal to feel guilty or like it’s somehow your fault. But it’s important to remember that you are not to blame at all.

Your emotions might shift and change, and that’s normal. But feeling less pain or sadness over time doesn’t mean you’ve stopped caring about the person you’ve lost. Finding happiness in the things you enjoy doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten them or stopped loving them.

Feeling anger is a normal response to loss as well. Especially if you didn’t get to say goodbye or had no control over how things were left. It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s important to understand that what you feel is valid.

Grieving takes time and being with the people you love can help you through it. You might suddenly feel sad when you’re not expecting it or feel on edge about your health or other people’s. This is just your body and mind are reacting to the loss, and that’s okay.

You might never stop grieving, but opening up to your family and friends and figuring out what support you need can help you get on top of it.

Losing someone close to you can really shake up your life. If you’re struggling to accept their death, finding it hard to handle everyday things or feeling stuck, reach out to someone you trust. Talk to a friend, a sibling, a teacher or someone you trust about how you’re feeling. We all need help from time to time.

Sometimes, finding ways to express your grief can be helpful. Here are a few different ideas you could try if you’re struggling to cope with what’s happened:

Marie Curie has more tips and advice on how you can look after someone who's grieving.

Big celebrations, like birthdays or religious holidays can be tough when you’ve lost someone important. Being around people you care about can sometimes help, but these moments can also bring the grief to the surface.

During those times, it’s important to take care of yourself. If things start to feel too much, try to step away and give yourself some space. It’s normal to miss the person you’ve lost and feel triggered by what’s going on. And remember, the people around you might also be grieving. Try to share what you need and understand their needs – it can help everyone to cope better.

Having a plan for if you start to feel overwhelmed can be helpful. You could tell someone you trust about how you’re feeling so they can check in with you. Knowing where you might be able to have some quiet time to regroup can help you to stay grounded as well.

If you’re grieving a death, these events can be times when you remember the person you’ve lost. Here are some ideas for how you can celebrate their memory: