Why I changed my mind about anxiety medication

Topics mentioned: anxiety, medication, university

About: Mary, 22, explains why she decided to try beta blockers for her mental health and her experience of taking propranolol for anxiety.

I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was 15. It wasn’t a surprise, just a label for my pre-existing feelings which helped me understand myself better. At the time I refused to go on medication; I felt like it was an ‘easy way out’ and I wanted to tackle my anxiety head on.

I went to intensive therapy which gave me the tools to change my thought processes and challenge long-term intrusive thoughts. At the time, this worked best for me.

At 21, I started an overwhelming Masters course alongside other studies. My life changed in many ways and this only added to my underlying anxiety which I had finally gotten to grips with.

I reached out to my course tutor, family and friends and realised that what worked for me at 15 may not work for me at 21 with all my added pressures.

I returned to my GP to ask for help. Although I have many techniques from therapy to help me deal with anxiety, I simply don’t have time right now. I aim to revisit these techniques again in the future, but I needed some additional support to help me in the present.

When I was 15, I was so against taking medication to help my anxiety. I had built up in my mind that it was not the right thing for me, almost an easy way out. Now I know how wrong I was.

Propranolol is a beta blocker. It’s a medication that you can take as and when you need. It focuses on the physical effects of anxiety by slowing your heart rate to control the other symptoms of anxiety. These can include nausea, fast breathing and consequently the feeling of being out of control.

The first time I took the medication was just before a class. In the first 15 minutes I felt light-headed and dizzy. In the next hour I felt out of it. I was worried about taking it again. However my GP had explained that this is common, as your body is adjusting to your forcefully slower heartbeat.

The second time I took the medication I prepared for the worst. Yet I felt none of these side effects. I just felt more in control and, ultimately, calmer. I have only taken three pills, but knowing I have them when I need them is reassuring and has helped my everyday anxiety. I know that propranolol can take the edge off a panic attack before I am tipped over the edge.

Sometimes you need to change your own mindset to get the help you truly need. I thought I was helping myself by not taking medication, to preserve this feeling of being in control. Initially I felt empowered by making the decision to not try medication.

However, there is no shame in making a different choice later on when it comes to getting support for your mental health, especially if you are still struggling or finding it more difficult. This makes changing your mind even more empowering.