What I wish people knew about emetophobia

Unfortunately, when I’ve tried to open up to people about my emetophobia in the past, I’ve often been met with: “Well, nobody likes being sick.” And while that’s probably true, a phobia goes much deeper than that.

For me, the difference between a phobia and a dislike is genuine fear. I accepted that most people didn’t enjoy being sick, but they weren’t spending every waking moment of every day overanalysing stomach sensations, limiting food intake and panicking that it might happen at any time.

That was when I realised something wasn’t quite right, and it gave me a greater appreciation for just how traumatising a phobia of any kind can be. Phobias are so much more than disliking something and, for people with emetophobia, anything from seeing, hearing or just thinking about vomit can be extremely triggering.

All phobias are anxiety-inducing and can be very unpleasant, even life limiting. What makes emetophobia slightly different from a lot of phobias, though, is that you can’t really avoid it.

When seeking help for my phobia, a lot of the advice I came across focussed on avoiding the object of your phobia until you feel like you have the tools to cope and can gradually work your way up to facing it head on.

The problem here is that you can’t avoid vomiting. You often can’t see it coming far in advance or predict it and prepare for it. You can’t avoid it in conversation, on the television or in books. For me it was a permanent risk, keeping me constantly on edge and hyper-aware of the feelings in my stomach, just in case.

I could never relax because I never felt like I was a safe distance away from the panic-inducing scenario. I couldn’t hide from the sensations in my body, especially if I was feeling low or struggling - it felt like I was being forced to face my fear every single day. This was exhausting and it also made me quite unpredictable at times.

I would cancel or back out of things at the last minute because I’d convinced myself I was going to vomit. I often said no to things I really wanted to do because of emetophobia. I isolated myself, limited myself and, in particular, avoided social gatherings such as parties, and watching TV shows I hadn’t seen before, for fear of encountering vomit.

Another question I’m often met with is: “why are you so scared of something that can’t hurt you?” And, while it’s true that vomiting is usually harmless, I wish more people understood the genuine impact emetophobia can have on people.

Most phobias aren’t logic-based and even though I knew vomiting would never cause me any harm, I still worried about it just as much. For me, the fear was never about whether I’d be in danger, or even whether it was a sign that I was ill. It was entirely about the experience itself and how much my brain had magnified that to be the worst thing in the world.

I remember saying to my mum once that I would rather die than be sick, and I think that speaks volumes. Fear doesn’t care about logic, and that’s one of the hardest parts.