What I wish older generations knew about mental health and young people

Topics mentioned: family, reaching out for help, alone and misunderstood, anger, mental health, social media

About: Hannah, 23, explains what it's like to be a young person struggling with their mental health today, and what she wishes older generations understood.

“Back in my day we didn’t have all this nonsense!”

Many of us young people have probably heard this phrase. It can be so annoying and frustrating, even distressing when older generations seem dismissive or even just downright offensive when it comes to our mental health or ‘young people issues’.

I’ve been there and it has had such a negative impact. Not just on my wellbeing, but also my recovery. It can be a hard line to walk, and often the people making these comments are close to us or even part of our families. Throughout history each new generation has faced their own challenges, experiences and ideas. Our present world is so fast-paced and constantly changing that it makes comparisons with the experiences of older generations even more pronounced.

If you are someone who is struggling to comprehend or understand the challenges faced by younger generations, I hope my blog gives you a little insight and tips on how you can be supportive, even if you don’t understand or agree.

My grandmother found it hard to understand why I was the way I was. She didn’t understand mental health problems and had lots of misconceptions and outdated ideas. It’s hard to explain the complexities of mental health, and almost impossible when you are in the midst of struggling.

We spent many years in loggerheads with each other. I was angry and upset that someone who I thought was meant to love and care for me could say the things she did and act the way she did. I felt that the way she constantly put her foot in it and said the wrong thing was a personal attack.

But now I’m older, I understand some of the reasons why this happened. I have come to terms with the generational differences we had. It doesn’t mean I accept or approve of behaviours which were gaslighting or hurtful. It means that I see it from a different perspective and appreciate there wasn’t intentional malice. I believe what my grandmother said came from a place of love and care, but she just didn’t understand.

She had grown up in the war, had been brought up to just get through it, a stiff upper lip and all that. She was scared as she couldn’t comprehend what was happening and felt powerless to help in any way. She was so used to problem solving and finding answers that she couldn’t accept that there seemed to be no answers.

The issue with mental health struggles is there is no ‘answer’, no magic wand, pill or cure. We can’t see mental health, it doesn’t make sense and can appear totally irrational to an outsider. But it’s very real and personal to whoever experiences it. Many young people who haven’t experienced mental health difficulties struggle to empathise with those who do. For those of a different generation, it can be even more of an alien concept.

If you are an adult reading this, there are aspects of your childhood that we will never be able to fathom either. Just because our challenges are different doesn’t mean they are any less of a problem. We will never reach an answer when trying to compare our generational differences, so we must learn to accept the things we cannot fully understand.

Mental health isn’t selfish. It may appear that way if you haven’t been there or don’t understand, but instead of being judgemental or dismissive, educate yourself on the perspectives and challenges of this new generation.

You don’t have to agree, but all we ask is that you see our world as a different time. Just like we cannot imagine growing up in the war, or in a time when teachers were allowed to throw things at children. You cannot know life from our perspective.

We don’t need you to problem solve (sadly, there is no simple solution). We just ask that you love us, listen to us and sometimes even just sit with us in our struggles. Accept that you may never understand why things are the way they are but that’s ok – you can still be there for us and accept us. And we can try to do the same for you in the things you may be struggling with.