Topics mentioned: eating problems, body image
About: Jade, 23, shares her experience of binge-eating disorder and struggling with body image, and how she went about getting help and support.
Keeping a secret isn’t always easy. Often, it has a way of getting out.
I have been hiding something for so long that it has become a part of my routine. I didn’t realise how much this secret had impacted me. I had lost control of my life and the only way I could find control again was by consuming food. Excessive amounts of food.
Keeping a secret isn’t always easy. Often, it has a way of getting out.
What is binge-eating disorder?
Binge-eating disorder (BED) is a mental illness where people eat large amounts of food without feeling like they’re in control of what they’re doing (NHS). This usually occurs over a short period of time until the person feels uncomfortably full.
- eating alone or secretly
- feeling ashamed and disgusted after a binge
- putting on weight
- stored and hidden food supplies
- eating food quickly
- eating when you’re not hungry
Most of my binges occur because I am angry or I don’t know how to process the emotions that I am feeling. Over the years my binge eating has escalated.
I am spending excessive amounts of money each day on food to suppress my emotions. I wish I could dial my feelings down without having to binge. Over the past 10 years I have been binge eating almost every day.
I have gained so much weight that I have a hard time recognising myself in pictures. I don't like myself. I haven't been able to stare at myself in a full length mirror in the past six years. My weight was always a topic of conversation. Comments were always made suggesting I should lose weight.
Somehow they thought making this comment would push me to make changes to lose weight, but it had the opposite effect.
People would suggest unsafe fad diets to me, saying things like, "All you need to eat is a jacket potato a day." How is this helpful?! I thought I couldn’t eat. I thought if I didn’t eat all my problems would go away. I didn’t give in to this comment but I did devour two packs of Mr Kiplings Bakewell Tarts and Angel Cake Slices.
“You’re fat.” I have become numb to this phrase. It’s been said so much that I can’t tell how much damage it’s actually having on my mental health.
"You know you’re the weight of two people.” They were smiling awkwardly like I was going to reciprocate the smile back. Somehow they thought making this comment would push me to make changes to lose weight, but it had the opposite effect.
These comments were catalysts for me to binge.
Even when I had lost weight, everyone always praised me. However, I starved myself for five days because I caught the reflection of my body in a shop window. I was ashamed.
There were subtle signs everywhere in my home saying I wasn’t coping.
Why I decided to get help for binge eating
My bedroom bin would be overflowing with sweet confectionery, resembling the Sainsburys aisle that sees me on a daily basis. I never realised how bad my binge eating was, only until my mum made a comment saying, “You could open up your own sweet shop with all the sweet and cake packets in your bin.”
I realised I couldn’t hide my secret anymore. There were subtle signs everywhere in my home saying I wasn’t coping.
On the 16th of February I decided it was time for me to share this secret. It was time to seek help for something that has been slowly harming my body. I was terrified.
I didn’t think I would be taken seriously by my GP, so I researched eating disorder charities to see what advice they give for seeking help for eating problems.
It was a release just telling someone about something I have been struggling in silence with for a long time.
Once I had gathered enough information from charities and spoken to a member of the charity about seeking help, I felt more reassured that speaking to a healthcare professional about my eating problem wouldn’t be so daunting. I decided to reach out to the mental health nurse at my GP Surgery and opened up about my binge eating.
The mental health nurse referred me to an eating disorder specialist team where I hope to get the support that I need. It was a release just telling someone about something I have been struggling in silence with for a long time.
This hasn’t been an easy road, reaching out for help, but now I am starting my journey of improving my relationship with food. You are not alone when seeking help for your binge eating. You deserve the right support.
Four tips for opening up about binge eating
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Record your thoughts and feelings
Your feelings are valid and it's ok to feel all of your emotions. We all have different ways of coping with emotions, especially the ones that consume us on a daily basis. Opening up about your emotions can be hard.
If you don't feel comfortable speaking to someone about your binge eating, you could voice record how you are feeling and your thoughts.
I found this helpful as it allowed me to get my feelings out without speaking to anyone, but also made it easier when speaking to someone about my binge eating. I had already said everything in the voice recording and felt ready to talk.
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Reach out to charities such as Beat
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your GP about your binge eating, you can speak to or email the charity Beat about the feelings that make you want to binge.
This really helped me understand that my binge eating was something that I could get help for. This reassurance came from a charity that does a lot of work helping people with different types of eating disorders.
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Use resources to help you talk to your GP
When you do become comfortable talking to a health professional about your binge eating, Beat have resources that show how you can speak to your GP. There is also a leaflet on the Beat website that you can give to your GP so they can understand more about binge eating.
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Speak to someone you trust
Once I got referred to the eating disorder specialist, I found it easier to tell people that I have a problem with binge eating. If you have someone that you trust and think you can open up to them about your binge eating, ask them to meet up with you or catch up over the phone and explain what you are going through.
Binge-eating disorder resources that helped me
You are not alone when seeking help for your binge eating. You deserve the right support.
More information and advice
We have tips and advice to help you find the support you need. Take a look at our guides.
Read more blogs on medication from young people
Where to get help
However you're feeling, there are people who can help you if you are struggling. Here are some services that can support you.
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Beat
Offers information and support for anybody affected by eating disorders.
One-to-one web chat available. They also run a range of online support groups, which are all fully moderated and anonymous.
Enter your postcode in the HelpFinder to see what eating disorder support is available in your area.
View their information on helpline accessibility and confidentiality.
- Opening times:
- 365 days a year - weekdays (9am - 8pm); weekends (4pm - 8pm)