How to do self-care when you're really struggling

For me, I often start with smaller practices rather than whatever my end goal is, whether that’s doing something less frequently than I’d like, or doing it in a different way or at a different time. If a shower is too much, could you wash your face and use dry shampoo? If a walk sounds impossible, could you do some simple stretches? If meeting up with a friend is too scary, could you watch a film together through Teleparty? I also always have a water bottle with me, and use apps and alarms to remind me to drink water regularly – for me drinking enough is non-negotiable as I’m prone to dehydration.

You might find it helpful to get into a routine – for instance every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday night you have a bath; every Saturday you move in whatever form suits you at that time. You’ll notice that I say “move” instead of “exercise”. For me, “exercise” has negative connotations (like school PE) and “movement” feels broader; it could be simple stretches or a short walk, a game of Ring Fit Adventure or a Pilates class – it’s simply about whatever works for you when you’re ready to move. A routine is also helpful to set up when you’re feeling better, so you don’t have to make one up from scratch if you begin to struggle.

You may also like some form of reward chart – like star charts you might have had when you were younger! I’m not ashamed to say I bought some small stickers and made myself a paper self-care star chart. You could also use an app such as Habits for this. For me, I gave myself a sticker for doing self-care activities like having a bath, playing games on my Switch, doing something creative, cleaning my teeth, eating three sensible meals a day and moving. I’d set myself goals with rewards, having bigger rewards for more difficult goals.

There’s no shame in needing help to be able to practise self-care. For me, I ask people I live with to prompt me if they notice I haven’t done something like eat or take a bath for a while. You and your friends can also help each other out! For example, while I was at university my friend struggled with phone calls and I struggled with tidying, but we could each do the other’s tasks – so she’d come to my room and I’d make her phone calls, while she helped me to tidy up and put the washing on. For me, it made it feel easier, because we were helping each other, rather than me not being able to offer anything. However, it’s also important to remember that asking for help when you’re not able to give anything in return is okay too – you deserve support, even if you can’t reciprocate right now.

I also use technology to help with self-care. I have apps which remind me to take breaks, drink water, take medication and look after myself generally. Some of my favourite cute self-care apps are Plant Nanny (for drinking water), Aloe Bud and Finch. I also find some Twitter bots really helpful as they interrupt my scrolling with specific reminders, such as @tinycarebot and @selfcare_bot. You can also follow nice accounts on social media – I mostly follow ones which post animal pictures!