How Maryam’s story in the Qur’an inspired me to look after my mental health

Topics mentioned: Muslim mental health, self-care guide for young Muslims

About: Our guest blogger shares three lessons from the story of Maryam in the Qur’an and how they inspired her mental health self-care plan.

This blog contains references to suicidal feelings. Please do not read on if you think the content may be triggering for you. If you are currently struggling with your mental health, please visit our find help page for information, advice and guidance on where to get support.

There’s a chapter in the Qur’an named after Maryam, (known as Mary in the Bible), mother of Jesus. When I feel frustrated, weak, depressed or stuck, I find myself turning to this chapter. There are so many things I love in this chapter, but I’m just going to focus on three lessons I apply to my life daily.

For me, Maryam in the Qur’an is the ultimate strong woman, devout and determined. Islamic sources narrate that she defies all the holy men in the temple by refusing to stay out of their way and play the traditional female gender role they expect from her.

What’s good enough for men is good enough for her and nothing less. Even though she is young, she won’t compromise her dignity or her beliefs for anyone. She does her own thing regardless. But it’s not easy.

Eventually, she secludes herself from all the haters and literally puts up a curtain to block them out. Then, the Qur’an tells us, the angel Gabriel appears and unexpectedly tells her she is to going to have a son.

Now what? What will people say? What will they think? Who is going to understand? Who will believe her? What if she is shunned and has to live as a total outcast? She withdraws to a remote place, presumably to avoid society’s harsh, misogynistic judgement about her situation – a situation they know nothing about.

The irony of being judged by people who don’t really know you always hits me hard. The fear of what people will think of me as a Muslim woman cuts both ways – when I’m not ‘Muslim enough’ for my family, or when I’m ‘way too oddball Muslim’ for my friends.

When I read this, I think about how much time and energy I used to spend just trying to hide different parts of myself from everybody. Parts of myself I wish I had been able to be proud of, parts of me I’ve had to negotiate with and nourish in a way my non-Muslim friends never had to struggle with.

Maryam is pregnant and alone. Unlike in the Bible, there is no Joseph to comfort her. There is no inn. No stable. There are no three wise kings bearing gifts. Nothing. She is desperately alone.

When the childbirth begins, Maryam, a single young woman, in the worst pain of her life, begins to despair. The Qur’an says:

It’s easy to miss this line, and it annoys me how many times I have seen religious scholars gloss over Mary’s words. I’ve found Muslim ‘scholars’ dismiss the idea that a human being who is so close to God, could dare to think this type of lonely and desperate thought. So they gloss over it.

But God does not gloss over it. God chose to record Mary’s words in this book of guidance, as a lesson for all humanity. It reminds me that God sees our pain. Even when other people want to sweep it under the rug, God doesn’t.

Even if the world around you – society, religious figures, family – want to decide how you feel on your behalf. God knows. Discovering this verse healed so much guilt and shame I carried from all the times I felt like I was a bad Muslim and a bad person for wishing I was dead.

But the story does not end there. It goes on:

In the midst of her despair, God responds in three ways:

To me, it is significant that God draws this part of the story to a close right here. We never find out how the people respond to this stunning miracle.

Do they believe Mary’s innocence? Do they still give her a hard time? Do they believe the miracle or think it’s a trick? God doesn’t tell us, and I believe it’s because God is literally showing us that the answer to the question but what do other people think? actually doesn’t matter.

What matters is you. What do you believe? Are you open-minded, or are you judgey? Are you committed to your personal truth, and God, or to what other people want instead?

Listen to this soothing recitation of Surah Maryam.