A letter to anyone feeling suicidal

Topics mentioned: suicidal feelings, feeling down and unable to cope

About: Louisa shares her experience of suicidal feelings so others know they're not alone. If you're having suicidal thoughts, help is available and you can get through it.

This blog contains reference to suicidal feelings. Please do not read on if you think the content may be triggering for you. If you are currently struggling with your mental health, please visit our find help page for information, advice and guidance on where to get support.

Hi there,

Before I start preaching to you about why you should stay alive, I wanted to tell you that I’ve been where you are so many times. Sometimes I go back to that dark place, and it’s painful and scary. But each time, I carry on, and I’m here to tell you that I live a large majority of my life feeling grateful that I chose to keep on fighting.

It was the best and bravest thing that I ever did for myself. I am here, I am living, and I’m happy that I am. Give yourself time - with patience and gentleness, you will get here too.

I’m so, so glad that you’re here. The fact that you’ve clicked on this blog post shows that you still have fight left in you. I’m proud of you. I feel like you don’t get enough praise for how brave you’re being, I think a lot of people don’t really realise how much courage it takes to actively act against the thoughts you’re having.

It’s overwhelming, it’s frightening. Yet, you’re still here. You’ve been here before, you have picked yourself up time and time again, and you can make it through this again.

I know that you’re exhausted, that you’re fighting with all your might to stay alive, that it feels like nothing is going right. I know that it feels like you’ve tried everything to get better, but nothing seems to be working. I know that it seems impossible. I know you’ve probably been told a million times ‘it will get better,’ and I know that each time it becomes even more difficult to believe.

It’s hard to keep on going when these thoughts return, but the time in between this distress will gradually get longer and longer. The urges will become less and less. The happiness and joy you will feel will override the thoughts you have had. It’s okay if you don’t feel optimistic about the future – it’s enough to just feel curious about what will happen next.

I promise you, with all my heart, that the very best thing you will ever do for yourself is to keep going. Keep on fighting. There will come a day, not too far from now, where you will look back at this time and be so glad that you stayed. I know it feels difficult to believe now, but this will not last forever. This is not all that you are.

There will be a time where your mind will be occupied by beautiful things worth living for, instead of these awful thoughts that you’re experiencing now. You are so much more than your thoughts; you are so much more than what has happened to you.

Your life is worth fighting for, and nothing will ever change this. You’ve gotten through so many things that you thought that you couldn’t, and you will continue to get through this. I believe in you. There is a future version of yourself who’s proud you were strong enough to keep going.

You will learn more and more about your heart as you heal, and you will be more yourself than you’ve ever been before. You deserve to show yourself the kindness that you give to others, and you are worthy of beautiful things.

One day, you’ll be able to look at yourself and say that you’ve made it, and that’s something worth fighting for.