Supporting a Friend With Their Mental Health

It’s hard to know what to say when a friend opens up about their mental health. But don’t worry, that feeling is totally normal – it shows you care and want to say the right thing. We all want to help our friends in the best way possible, and that’s something to be proud of.

But remember, it’s not all on you to help them. Supporting a friend can get overwhelming but there are ways you can be there for them and still look after your own mental health too.

How to respond when a friend opens up

When a friend tells you they’re struggling, it might be the first time they’ve spoken about their mental health. They might not say much, like ‘I feel off’, ‘I don’t feel like myself’ or ‘it’s all getting a bit much’. Or they might mention issues at home, school, uni or work.

We all open up in different ways. But whatever they’re going through, here are some ways you can respond.

Listen

When they share, really listen. Don’t interrupt, judge, or assume. Let them speak at their own pace. Show you’re listening by nodding or repeating what they say. If talking feels too much, suggest they write it down in a text or on paper so they can take their time.

Being there

Reassure them and validate their feelings

After opening up, your friend might feel like they’ve overshared or said the wrong thing. Let them know they’ve done the right thing by speaking up. You could say, ‘I’m glad you told me’, or ‘it’s okay to feel that way, that sounds really tough’.

Struggling together

Actions speak louder than words

A hug, a cuppa, or just sitting with them shows you’re there. It doesn’t take much – just being present shows you care. After opening up, they might worry you’ll pull away, so little gestures remind them you’re still friends and nothing’s changed.

Signs of kindness

Remember, it’s not all on you

Hearing your friend is going through it can be tough, and you might feel like it's all on you to help. But you’re not solely responsible. Just being there to listen is already a huge support, and they can get support from others too. There are lots of people and places that can help. If you’re struggling with your own mental health while you help your friend, check out our tips below on looking after yourself.

Helping a friend

Two young people sitting in the grass together.

It may be difficult for your friend to share. Remember to thank them for trusting you.

Read Hannah's tips on how to talk to a friend you're worried about

How to help a friend who's struggling

Supporting someone isn’t always easy, and it’s normal to feel out of your depth. Here are some ideas to help you be there for your friend.

This shows you’re there for them and want to support them best. They might not know yet, but it’s something you can figure out together. You could offer to help them find helplines, websites, or book a GP appointment. If they ask for something you’re not comfortable with, it’s okay to set boundaries.

It’s fine if you don’t fully get their situation or aren’t sure what to say. Just listening gives them space to share and feel heard, reminding them they don’t have to struggle alone – there’s help out there.

If one of my friends was struggling and I felt like I could help them, I'd message them to say something along the lines of ‘I've noticed you don't seem to be yourself is there anything I can help with or do you need to talk to anyone’. You're not talking from a professional perspective you're just letting them know that you're there.

If you’ve used a helpline or website before, let your friend know, or look up some options for them. You can share our website and our Instagram. Your recommendation can help them trust the advice. It can be scary to reach out, so talking them through it can make it less daunting. Find some organisations and helplines to share.

#NotAllOnYou | Looking after yourself

If you’re worried about your friend, suggest they talk to someone like a teacher, school nurse, youth worker or community leader. They might be nervous about it, so if you can, offer to go with them for support.

A day or two after your chat, drop them a text and ask, ‘how are you feeling since we talked?’ It shows you’re there for them and they’re not alone. If they don’t want to talk, that’s okay – respect their space and give them the time to focus on their mental health.

Friendships are for the happy times and the difficult times. No one’s always singing and dancing and there are times where things are tougher and stressful. Friendship is just as important if not more important, in those times as much as the good and fun times.

Should I tell someone what my friend told me?

Your friend might share something really personal and worrying, like they’re unsafe, being hurt, self-harming or having thoughts about ending their life. They might want you to promise not to tell anyone, but their safety comes first.

If you’re concerned, talk to a trusted adult, like a teacher, family member, community leader or doctor. They can help.

Let your friend know you need to tell someone to help them get the support they need. They might find it hard at first, but they’ll understand you’re doing it to help them.

Two boys looking at a phone and smiling in the park.

I found it extremely helpful to discuss boundaries and how best to help each other without compromising our own mental health.

Amy shares her story of supporting a partner struggling with their mental health

Looking after yourself

Supporting a friend or listening to a difficult conversation can be draining. You might feel anxious or stressed about what your friend shared. Your feelings are valid too and it’s important to look after your own mental health. Besides, you can’t help others if you’re running on empty.

This could be doing a hobby like writing or drawing, meditating, or watching your favourite TV show. Your wellbeing matters just as much. You could even make a self-soothe box filled with things that help you relax.

Find out how to make a self-soothe box

If you’re struggling, reach out for help from friends, family, teachers or a helpline. Whether it’s a text, call, or meet-up, sharing can help you feel better. You’ve done your bit for your friend, but remember, it’s not all on you.

Get advice on reaching out for help

#NotAllOnYou | Speaking up

Everyone has their own stuff going on, and sometimes it’s better for someone else to support your friend. Be honest about how you’re feeling – try saying, ‘thank you for sharing this with me, but I’m finding things tough right now. Here are some some good places that can help you’. You might feel guilty, but saying no doesn’t make you a bad friend.

I can't always be there to give support because sometimes you do have to think about the impact it is having on you and whether you can deal with that at that moment. You've got to put yourself first.

Figure out what you can handle and what’s tough for you, so you can set limits. For example, if late-night chats are hard because they mess up your sleep, decide not to talk at that time.

You can tell your friend, ‘I’m taking time for myself’ or ‘I’m not in the best place, can we chat another time?’ It might not feel right to put yourself first, but setting boundaries helps you look after your wellbeing, so you can be more present for your friend.

#NotAllOnYou | Part 7 - Wrapped up in knots

Resting helps you unwind and process your thoughts, so you don’t feel overwhelmed while helping a friend. Whether it’s turning off your phone, going for a walk or doing some deep breathing, taking a break lets you reflect on how you’re feeling and care for your mental health.

#NotAllOnYou | Avoiding burnout

“Step back and do things that do calm you and let you take a step away from the situation you're dealing with.”

For our #NotAllOnYou animation series, Activists share their experiences and tips for supporting a friend while looking after your own mental health. With thanks to Effervescent, the Arts Council England and the YoungMinds Activists for creating the Not All On You campaign.

Watch the full series

Real stories about supporting a friend

Get help now

If you need help supporting a friend, or you're struggling to cope yourself, it's not all on you. Here are some organisations who can help you.

Childline

If you’re under 19 you can confidentially call, chat online or email about any problem big or small.

Sign up for a free Childline locker (real name or email address not needed) to use their free 1-2-1 counsellor chat and email support service.

Can provide a BSL interpreter if you are deaf or hearing-impaired.

Hosts online message boards where you can share your experiences, have fun and get support from other young people in similar situations.

Opening times:

24/7

0800 11 11

Childline
Papyrus

Offers confidential advice and support for young people struggling with suicidal thoughts, as well as family and friends; and information about how to make a safety plan.

Its helpline service - HOPELINE247 - is available to anybody under the age of 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, or anybody concerned that a young person could be thinking of suicide.

Opening times:

24/7 every day of the year

0800 068 4141

88247

pat@papyrus-uk.org

Papyrus
Samaritans

Whatever you're going through, you can contact the Samaritans for support. N.B. This is a listening service and does not offer advice or intervention.

Opening times:

24/7

116123

jo@samaritans.org

Samaritans
Hub of Hope

A national database of mental health charities and organisations across Britain that offer mental health advice, including for family members.

Hub of Hope
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)

Provides support to anyone aged 16+ who is feeling down and needs to talk or find information.

Free webchat service available.

Read information about the helpline and how it works.

Opening times:

5pm - midnight, 365 days a year

0800 58 58 58

CALM
Youth Access

Provides information about local counselling and advice services for young people aged 11-25.

Put in your location and what you need help with into their 'Find help' search, and see what services are available in your area.

Youth Access

More information and support

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