How I look after my mental health as a parent

You’re only as happy as your least happy child. It’s a cliché, but it rang true for me when a friend said it recently. I’m a married, working mum of four with children ranging from age 5 to 15 years old. This brings the usual challenges. But around 18 months ago, I was in the depths of despair with a deeply unhappy child. 

Our second eldest son developed emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA) at age 10-11, and found it incredibly hard to go to school. Every day was a struggle.

Then he reached a point where he was having panic attacks and hardly left his bedroom. He was suffering from extreme anxiety, and it felt like there was no end. We needed help but we didn’t know what ‘help’ looked like. It was such a difficult time for the whole family.  

Then the Special Educational Needs and Disabilities Coordinator (SENDCO) at my son’s school gave me the phone number for the Young Minds Parents Helpline, which brings me to my first recommendation of how you can look after your own mental health. 

I’ve never, ever rung a helpline before, and I didn’t really think that it would help that much. But anything was worth a go at that point. On the other end of the phone was a lovely, kind, caring, understanding person who listened to my story. I was given some helpful advice to take away. But what I wasn’t expecting was that when I hung up the phone, I felt like a little bit of the weight had lifted.  

My third recommendation is to make some time every day to do something you enjoy. Just for you. This might feel impossible at first, but start small. I really enjoy a nice cup of tea. A nice cup of tea brings me a tiny bit of joy and comfort. If it means making some little changes to enable it, do it. Get yourself some nice coffee or flavoured teas if that’s what you like, or a new mug. My favourite mug is one with photos on from happy times.

I like to read the newspaper, too. It reminds me of my childhood Saturdays when my grandparents would come round and I’d read their newspaper. It only takes 20 minutes or so to read it, but it’s ‘me’ time. I also enjoy a nice hot shower. There’s nothing quite like a hot shower to make me feel human again and I visualise all of the stress washing off and going down the drain with the water.

These are all things I’ve consciously noticed that help me – have a think what yours might be, and make time for them as much as you can.  

Finally, remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. I know first hand how much strength it takes to support a loved one through a mental crisis. Be kind to yourself. 

Parenting isn’t always easy. Although it’s often amazing and rewarding, it can also be really hard work. Read our guide for tips for looking after yourself while you're looking after your child.