Helping your child manage the move from primary to secondary school

Topics mentioned: transitions, anxiety, school refusal

Moving from primary to secondary school is exciting – a rite of passage. But it can also be a daunting or anxious time. For children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) or mental health difficulties, the change may be particularly challenging.

As a parent there is much you can do to help your child manage the transition and minimise anxiety, whatever their situation.

Chat about how they are feeling and how it will be different from primary – for instance bigger site, new people, changing teachers and rooms for subjects, more homework.

Reassure them that nerves about starting something new are normal, as is some sadness at leaving familiar things, and that these feelings usually subside.

But be careful not to impose your own worries. Focus on exciting opportunities too – new subjects, activities and friends. Celebrating the milestone of finishing primary school, and all the ways they have grown, can boost self-esteem and confidence.

Here, some parents suggest ways to talk about school transition:

Most secondary schools organise Year 6 transition days. These are a great opportunity to meet teachers, other starters and find out about the school layout and day. If possible print a school map to look at with your child too. Minimising unknowns for day one can reduce anxiety.

Schools often provide extra familiarisation days for vulnerable children – a chance to meet the SENCO and support staff and look around in a quieter environment.

Some parents share tips on helping a child get to know their new school:

This is really important for children with SEND or anxiety. Check your primary has shared paperwork and spoken with the new school, so they are aware of your child’s needs. You can also request a meeting with secondary staff yourself, to discuss support, particularly if your child has an education, health and care (EHC) plan. Familiarise yourself with the school’s SEN policy (on the website) too.

Try to get organised over the summer rather than leaving it to the last minute, which can be stressful for parent and child. A trip to buy uniform, get a haircut or choose new stationery is an opportunity to spend time together, chat and boost confidence too.

Secondary students often travel independently for the first time. Do some trial runs – with you, then perhaps solo or with a friend. Work out the first day plan. Your child may prefer to go with you to start, or to meet a friend on the way.

Secondary school demands are greater, so preparation should help build their own skills and confidence. This will help them settle quicker. Don’t do it all for them. Could they arrange to meet friends, do shopping errands (good lunchtime practice) or organise their bag for a day out? Be guided by what feels manageable for your child though. It’s fine if they need more support than some others.

Once school starts, try developing independent organisation with post-it notes listing what’s needed each day; boxes to store other books and worksheets; and an evening habit of checking their school planner and preparing uniform and bag.

Trusted old friends and habits are comforting, particularly in the exhausting early weeks, if a child doesn’t know anyone, or if they are finding it hard to settle. Seeing primary classmates or enjoying familiar activities may be a welcome relief from the effort of starting a new school.

Too much change at once can feel overwhelming too. So while it’s great if they throw themselves into everything, don’t worry if they don’t. They need to adjust and relax. So resist the urge to quiz them too heavily as well.

Finally, give it time. Settling in may take longer than you expected and it may not be a linear process, particularly for children with additional needs. If you are concerned it is a good idea to check in with your child’s form tutor or SENCO.