We all get angry – it’s just a part of being human. And it’s not a bad emotion to feel. Sometimes, feeling angry can be a helpful sign that something’s not right. And it can motivate us to create positive change. But if you find yourself losing control, anger can also be harmful.
If you’re struggling to control your behaviour, and your anger is hurting you or other people, it’s a good idea to reach out for some support. You might need help for your anger if you’re:
If anger is starting to affect your everyday life like this, there are lots of things you can do to manage it. We’re here to help you learn how.
Anger can come out in lots of different ways. Here are three common ways that people express it:
This is a physical or violent aggression, with behaviours like shouting, hitting, throwing things or making threats.
This is when you feel angry but instead of telling people how you feel, you show it in other ways. Like refusing to speak to someone, deliberately doing something badly, or saying sarcastic things to upset people.
We all show our anger differently. Recognising how you usually let your anger out can help you better understand it. Once you know, it’s easier to spot yourself doing it and find better ways to deal with the situation.
There are lots of reasons why people get angry. Sometimes it’s easy to know what triggered you. Other times you might not know why you feel that way. Everyone has different experiences, opinions and perspectives, so what makes you angry might not make someone else angry at all. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong that you’re angry. Your anger is valid, no matter what triggers it. But thinking about why you feel that way can help you express it safely.
Here are some common reasons why people get angry.
Feeling angry doesn’t mean you have to be aggressive. There are lots of other ways to let it out.
Try punching a pillow, squeezing a soft ball really hard, or popping bubble wrap.
Try doing something completely different, like playing a game, watching TV or reading a book.
Go for a run or do any exercise that you enjoy.
Try counting to ten or doing some breathing exercises before reacting.
Write everything you want to say down, and then throw it away or delete it.
Tell someone about what’s making you angry. Their point of view might help calm you down.
When you’re in a calm headspace, that’s a good time to think about how to manage your anger next time. Here are some things to think about.
For years I suppressed my anger toward someone who had hurt me and my family. The aftermath of what they caused was so difficult for me and my family to deal with, the thought of someone telling me to try and forgive them made my blood boil. Why should I forgive them? Why should they just get away with it? Having a passive voice, I never said anything. Instead I pushed my feelings towards the pit of my stomach and hoped I’d soon get over it.
If you feel angry all the time and you’re finding it hard to control your behaviour, it’s a good idea to get help. Here are some ways you can get support, and the treatment you might be given.
If someone you know is having problems with anger, this can be tough. Especially if their anger is ever directed at you. Below are some things you can do to support them while also looking after yourself.
If you’re a parent or carer and need support for a child dealing with anger, take a look at our parent guide.
If someone you know is becoming violent or abusive, you need to take steps to make sure that you’re safe.
You may want to make a safety plan, so that you know what to do in an emergency. Women’s Aid offer a guide to safely leaving a relationship, suitable for anyone no matter your age or gender.
Our guide to abuse for young people has more information. We also have a guide to abuse and domestic violence for parents.
Here are some organisations and helpline services that can support you with what you're going through.
If you’re under 19 you can confidentially call, chat online or email about any problem big or small.
Sign up for a free Childline locker (real name or email address not needed) to use their free 1-2-1 counsellor chat and email support service.
Can provide a BSL interpreter if you are deaf or hearing-impaired.
Hosts online message boards where you can share your experiences, have fun and get support from other young people in similar situations.
Provides information about local counselling and advice services for young people aged 11-25.
Put in your location and what you need help with into their 'Find help' search, and see what services are available in your area.
This page was reviewed in March 2024.
It was co-created with young people with lived experience of anger.
We will next review the page in 2027.
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